Old: I See Dead People

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Yadira

I stood in the corner of my best friends’ room and watched her cry her eyes out. This happened every year since I’ve been gone. Every year I stood on the side completely helpless as I watched my best friend cry her eyes out because she couldn’t pick up the phone to call me. She had all these people around her that loved her, but she hasn’t found anyone fill my space. She hasn’t let anyone in to the point where she felt like she would be okay without me. Jana had it all she had two beautiful kids and an asshole for a husband that loved her beyond meaning.

“Dira baby you can’t keep doing this to yourself. We gotta go.” Wyatt said massaging my shoulder.

“How can I do that when she’s hurting? Wyatt look at her. Its been six years and it’s still hurting her. I can feel that hurt Wyatt.” I cried.

“Baby but she’s there and we are here. You can’t change that. You impacted her life to a point where she will always miss you. She will always want you back, so she can call you on the phone. The fact is that it can’t happen no matter how bad you both want that to happen.” Wyatt cooed.

“Ah damn here we go again.” Zamor groaned walking into their bedroom.

“Zamor do you have to be an asshole all the time. I swear you make me sick.” Jana snapped on him before swinging.

“These two will probably fight for the rest of their lives. Ain’t shit about them ever going to change.” Wyatt said laughing at the two of the wrestling on their bed.

“Look I’m sorry. But what do you want a nigga to say? For the past six years you’ve been doing the same thing. It won’t change anything. Do you think Wyatt and Yadira want us to sit around crying because they are no longer with us. Wyatt was not only my cousin but he was like my brother. We did everything together. That shit does sting not having him here but my nigga in a better place.” Zamor said trying to sooth a crying Jana.

“You don’t know that! What is it like on the other side? What if.”

“Hell naw you not about to do that bullshit. They say that people are supposed to be at peace when they pass away. All their worries and whatever else vanishes when they pass away. I whole heartedly believe that shit and you need to believe it. Besides Yadira too annoying not to be living in peace. Oh and she got Wyatt long face ass with her. They up there kick back looking ugly smiling in each other faces.”

“Zamor why do you have to be so fuckin’ stupid all the time, get out of here. I want to sit and reminisce about my best friend. I want to look at pictures, videos and everything that reminds me of her. I don’t want to hear the bullshit you’re spitting. I don’t care what she would have wanted me to do! If her ass was here I wouldn’t have to feel this way. If you want to cut your emotions off then so be it. You can’t make me do the same.”

“I forgot my baby a sensitive gangsta. Come on I’ll listen to your memories.” Zamor said getting comfortable next to her.

She looked back at him for second before rolling her eyes.

“Man I’m being serious tell me some stories.” He said.

“There was this onetime Wyatt got us lost in Staten Island. Nigga claimed he knew where this damn shoe store out there that had some shoes Dira and I wanted. We spent hours looking for this damn store and in the end nigga didn’t know how to get us back home. Yadira cried like we were in a different country and I cursed Wyatt out so bad. Nigga didn’t talk me for three days after that.” She said laughing.

I laughed and looked over at Wyatt who wasn’t happy about that memory Jana decided to talk about.

“I remember that day! You was so mad at Jana. You said you was going to get a cousin to beat her ass” I said laughing at Wyatt facial expression.

“I don’t see shit funny about that.”

“You were so hurt from what she said.” I pointed out.

“Pudgy always been evil.” He said cutting his eyes at me.

“Baby don’t start that shit because she can’t hear you.” I cracked.

“I think that’s why he really started in on that Pudgy bullshit. I hurt his feelings so he tried to get me back.” Jana said laughing.

“You Hell.” Zamor said shaking his head.

“Do you think Yadira hates me?” Jana randomly asked.

“WHAT!?” I shouted staring at her in disbelief.

“Why in the…”

“Maaaaaa!” Zj screamed out running into her room but he stopped and just stared.

I looked around the room trying to figure out what had his attention and I didn’t see anything.

“What’s wrong baby?” Jana asked getting trying to get his attention.

He still wasn’t looking in her direction that’s when I realized he was looking in my direction. My eyes widen and I waved my hand just to see.

“Hi!” He replied waving back to me.

I yelped and hit Wyatt’s arm pointing towards Zj.

“He can see us.” I whispered to Wyatt.

“No the hell he can’t! We are dead Yadira.” Wyatt

“Ma what’s dead?” Zj asked but never breaking his eyes from us.

“Dira we gotta get out of here.” Wyatt called out before we vanished

******

Later The Same Day

“Here you go. At some point you gotta let her live. She will always grieve not having you around Yadira. You cant let this keep you here. Don’t go back in there watching her.” Wyatt said annoyingly behind me.

“I’m going to see Zj. You saw that he saw us. I want to be able to speak to my nephew one time at least.” I cooed moving through the house towards Zj’s bedroom.

“Oh hell no! If he can see us that should make you stay away. He doesn’t need to see us.” Wyatt complained.

I don’t care what he has to say. My nephew could see and hear me and he think I’m not about to go and talk to him. Wyatt can float his ass somewhere else if he doesn’t want to talk to Zj.I entered his room and saw him sitting on his bed with an iPad in his lap. Laughing at whatever video he was watching and I just stared at him all teary eyed.

“Hey!” I called out. Zj head popped up and he just stared at me for a second.

He looked around his room again and then back at me.

“You can see and hear me right.” I asked.

“Yes.” He replied.

“Oh!!” I cried out.

“Why you make my momma cry?” He asked me throwing his iPad to the side.

“Huh?” I asked.

“My Momma is crying and I see your picture. Why you make my momma cry?” He pressed with his little eyebrow squinted together and his fist balled up to the side.

“You know who I am?” I questioned.

He shrugged his shoulders.

“I’m auntie Dira.” I cooed.

“Well my momma cry because she wants you. Go tell her you're fine so she can be happy again.” He demanded pointing towards his door.

“I wish I could.” I replied sadly.

“You can if you just walk into her room.” He said making a face.

I laughed because he had a smart mouth like his damn father.

“Did your momma and father talk to you about what happen when someone dies?”

“Yeah they have to go away.” He said sadly.

“Yeah so I can't go tell ya momma I’m okay because she can’t see me anymore. Zj you want to help Auntie Dira tell your mommy that she’s okay. You wanna help me make her happy again?”

He nodded his head yes wildly and I got nervous. I didn’t know if this was a good idea but shit this was all I had. This should help some.

“Okay go get ya momma and comeback here.” I instructed.

He dashed out of his room leaving the door wide open and I stood in there nervously biting my nails.

“Dira don’t do it.” Wyatt said.

“Shut up Wyatt! I’m doing it. This will give her closure. I know it will.” I said to him but trying to convince myself too.

“Mommy come on. She’s in here you don’t have to cry anymore.” I heard Zj scream out as he dragged Jana into his room.

“Baby, auntie Dira is no longer here. It’s not possible she’s in your room right now.” Jana cooed.

“She right there and the guy is with her too. You don’t have to cry anymore mommy.” He said pointing in Wyatt and I direction.

“Baby I don’t see anyone.” Jana said looking around the room.

“Ma they’re right there!” He said pointing again.

“Tell her remember the time we skipped school and Renada caught us getting on the Q10 bus.” I said to Zj.

“She said remember when you skipped school and grandma caught y’all getting on the bus.” He repeated.

“What?” Jana asked snapping her head in his direction.

“Yeah she caught us going on the bus and had the bus drive pull over so she could curse us out. She even cursed out the bus driver because he tried to make her pay fare just to get us.” I said to him.

He repeated it to her and she dropped down to the floor.

“Zj who told you that story?” She cried.

“Auntie Dira.” He said like duh.

“Zj she couldn’t have told you that story.” She disputed.

“Tell her something you two would only know.” Wyatt said tapping my shoulder.

“Well tell me something because you said she would stop crying.” Zj said looking at me squinting his eyes.

“Zamor Junior!! Who are you talking to?” Jana snapped.

Zj looked at me and with his hands up and wide eyes.

“Umm in the sixth grade she had her first kiss to Andre and she would tell people she wasn’t a virgin anymore.” I blurted out.

“Why the hell would you choose that for him to tell her.” Wyatt complained.

“Can I say that?” Zj asked.

“Say what?” Jana probed.

I nodded my head yes.

“In sixth grade you kissed a boy name Andre and you said you wasn’t a virgin anymore.” Zj repeated.

“WHAT?” She shrieked.

“Jana what the hell are you in here screaming about?” Zamor asked rushing into the room.

“Aye little man. Tell ya pops he can stop crying in his man cave. A nigga good just like he said. Stop grieving in private.” Wyatt called out.

“My dad doesn’t cry.” Zj shot back.

“Who the hell you talking to Zj?” Zamor asked suspiciously.

“Wyatt said stop crying in your man cave. A nigga good so stop grieving in private.” Zj repeated.

“What?” Zamor asked staring his son down.

“Listen tell them that it’s okay to remember the good times but it’s time to stop crying. Let go of the hurt and that we will always be around.” I said.

“Auntie Dira said it’s okay to remember the good times but it’s time to stop crying. Let go of the hurt because they will always be around.” He said hugging his momma.

Jana was on her knees crying her eyes out. She grabbed a hold of Zj and continued to sob. She kept saying she missed me and I just stood there with my own set of tears flowing down my cheeks.

“Aye little nigga tell your father to go visit my momma more. Let her know it’s okay to move on.”

“Dad you gotta go see auntie more. Tell her Uncle Wyatt said it okay to move on.”

“Oh and she can adopt that little nigga she be seeing at that center.” Wyatt added.

“and that it’s okay to adopt the little nigga from the center.” Zj added.

“Yo is this shit real right now?” Zamor asked in disbelief.

“Mommy this is supposed to stop you from being sad. This didn’t help.” He said hugging on Jana and I didn’t miss that his little ass cut his eyes at me either.

“Tell ya momma I love her and that I have to go. Oh and this little girl she’s having she better name Yadira.”

“She said she has to go and you better name this little girl Yadira.”

Jana gasped and her hand went to her stomach.

“You’re pregnant Jana?” Zamor asked.

She nodded her head yes and let out a small laugh.

“You already know that was happening. I miss you Dira.” She said smiling with tears still drenching her face.

“Tell her I love her.” I called out.

“She said she loves you mommy.” He said kissing her cheek.

“Aye tell ya daddy that back at my moms house there is a panel in my closet. I got money and a birthday gift in there for my mother that I was supposed to give her. Give it to her she may not need the money but she needs to get that gift.” Wyatt instructed.

The bright light shined once again and I felt like this time around I could walk through. I looked at my best friend and her family then back to the light. I walked over to Jana and bent down.

“I love y’all!” I cooed in her ear before kissing her cheek.

Her hand went to that spot and I smiled to myself before grabbing Wyatt’s hand and walking I to the light.

Eboni EllisonComment